tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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