What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish you could order shots online.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
