wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
