i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
