Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
