How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize