I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
