judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i think im in europe. pls send help
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.