He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
