Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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