ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
