do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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