im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
