Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
