Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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