It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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