I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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