that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
