party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
