I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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