its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
