just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
