Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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