I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Come see our sink grown plant.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
