Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
