I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
