I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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