If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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