i don't like sucking hair
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He? As in you personified your dick?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize