we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize