All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
