he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am one with the molecules
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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