in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
