Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
