Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
