community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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