The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
