I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
