just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
