omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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