Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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