Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
