Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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