she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
