If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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