the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
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My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
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Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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