sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
