I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
