Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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