So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Randomize
