I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
