Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
