I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
