WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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