It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
