drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
