So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
