I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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