C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
