I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
