so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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