I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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