I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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